I am angry this week about racism. Racism I dare not name, racism I cannot protest. Racism nobody will admit exists. I feel silenced, stifled, unsafe. I feel rage. I want to complain, to speak up, to shout out, to resist. But I am alone, I have no allies. I am like a crazy lady in a crowd yelling fire when nobody else can see the smoke. I know I should run or yell but the crowd prevents me, the crowd threatens, the crowd pushes in, the angry faces hover above mine. I fear being arrested or trampled. I watch the smoke rise in curls around me and I don't know what to do.
I watch people around me, both conservatives and progressives, unite in their racism: their racism ultimately transcends their other political differences. I am shocked and disappointed but know I shouldn’t be. I know I should have seen all of this coming but somehow I am never prepared, somehow I never adjust to such behavior. I just can’t get used to racism no matter how many times I am confronted with it.